A Reflection of Cornell Failures from a Senior
By: Amanda Ma
To all my Failures,
You don’t matter anymore. The Oxford English Dictionary defines you as: not successful; lack of success in doing or achieving something. Many Cornell students, including myself, especially when I was an underclassman, would define failure as not being successful in a course by the grade metrics the instructor sets or not being able to complete an academic track. You are the reason I became the person I’m proud of today and the student who learned so much at Cornell but you don’t define me.
Sincerely,
Amanda
On reflecting on all of my “failures” at Cornell, I notice it begins with the first ever prelim I took at Cornell. I did poorly on it. I was disappointed in myself. I questioned if I belonged here. I feel upset remembering how I felt but not because I am upset about the prelim all over again but because it doesn’t matter anymore. That grade didn’t and still doesn’t define me – I only wish I knew then what I know now. In fact, I eventually became a TA for the same course I thought I had bombed. Even for things I perceive as true failures I will never be able to redeem, such as getting a grade I wasn’t happy with, in a course I find that they haven’t been as big of an impact as I initially thought they were.
With only one more semester left at Cornell, I can safely say that despite all of my “failures” I was a successful student and have grown into a more well rounded individual as a result of all my experiences – failures and all. My biggest lesson is that failure is subjective. I have always loved history so I thought it would be fun to enroll in the history minor. Two years ago I would’ve been incredibly disappointed in myself if I didn’t finish the minor and would’ve considered that a failure. Today, I made the conscious decision to not finish it because I want to shift my focus on other things in my final semester. All I can do is appreciate all the courses I’ve taken and all that I’ve gained instead of feeling somber over a failure that really isn’t.
The most important thing during my time at Cornell and Human Ecology is all the connections, friendships, and growth I’ve experienced as a citizen of the world. My experiences, regardless of the outcome, have been invaluable and are what defines me – not a metric created by someone who wrote a curriculum. When I matriculated in June of 2019, I was told “don’t measure your success using someone else’s ruler.” Today, over 3 years later, I finally understand what that means and will measure my own success using my own ruler. If there’s any advice I’d give students who come into the CEC it would be to try to understand your success, your ruler before understanding any course material.